Closed
by technofever
Summary: From Confessions . Josh tries to catch Reed before she leaves Easton forever... JPOV


**Haven't done one in a while since second sem. started... anyways thought I'd try another one, it's not like the others.. its a sad one. It's when Reed's leaving Easton and Josh tries to say his final words... **

**Disclaimer: KateBrian's. Did you guys know her real name is kieran? ... hmm I didn't until a few days ago. It kind of looks like Kiran :P BTW how do you guys pronounce KIRAN? I never know how and my friends think I'm wrong.**

**sorry..on with the story:P**

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I slid through the doors following some freshmen entering the cafeteria, praying that Reed would be in there just this once. I needed to see that she was okay, that she was alive and hopefully apologize for everything, before it was too late.

I knew that with Noelle and the Billings Girls out of the picture, I would finally get the chance to talk to her on her own… and maybe even tell her that I loved her before I never got the chance to.

And then I saw her. I waited for her to look up from the sound of the door opening, but she never did.

I watched from across the cafeteria, her eyes were trained on the tray in front of her like it was holding her back or something, while Constance sat across from her, her back facing me.

My chest tightened at the sight of her. She didn't look like Reed. The Reed _I _knew.

This Reed looked broken and delicate, like one snap of the finger and she'd shatter. I couldn't help but wonder how long she had been going on without eating, and why she hadn't been answering my calls.

I didn't realize I had been standing in front of the door for some time, until someone opened the cafeteria door and I felt the cold air behind me. I turned on my heel and slipped out.

I crossed the quad and walked over to the nearest bench beside some tree. I reached for my cellphone and placed my messenger bag on the ground, but before I could open it to check for any messages, I heard some girls a few feet away gossiping.

"Is it true she's leaving Easton?" One girl said rather loudly.

"Who?" another girl asked.

"That girl…Reed Brennan, obviously. Didn't you hear? Ariana almost tried to kill her, and now I hear she doesn't want to come back for next semester. Or ever," The first girl said. "I don't blame her. I'd be scared too, if some psycho that used to live in the same house…"

I didn't hear the rest of what she was saying because before I knew it, I was shouldering my bag and was jogging towards Ketlar.

-----

I couldn't take it. And apparently Gage couldn't either because he was now eyeing me and my tapping pencil with annoyance.

This was useless. I couldn't write this stupid exam knowing that Reed was thinking of leaving Easton. I knew it was just a rumour, but I had to know for sure. I looked out the window, surprised to see that the sun was shining brightly and that the campus windows seemed to glitter with the reflection.

But then I saw movement. There was someone standing in the middle of campus. Who would be leaving during the middle of exams?

And then she turned around. Reed.

She was standing in the circle, with her bags on the ground, waiting for something, but also looking around at the buildings that surrounded her. I couldn't see the expression on her face because of the sun, but I could just imagine the sadness, the disappointment… the regret, that must have brought her, knowing what were behind those walls.

I looked around to see that my teacher was now eyeing me dangerously, as if he too was ready to snap my pencil in half if I didn't stop tapping. I looked down at my half answered exam, and raised my hand.

The teacher advanced and stood in front of me. He took one look at my almost blank exam and scrunched his eyebrows together in disappointment, but taking it from my desk.

I practically jumped out of my seat, stealing a few confused looks from people in my class, but that didn't stop me.

I ran as fast as I could through the long hallway and out the doors that would lead me to the front entrance. My legs felt heavy, like they weren't moving fast enough to get me where I needed to be. What if she wasn't there anymore? What if I could never see her again or tell her how I felt?

All these questions caused me to push my legs faster and as I turned the corner, a wave of relief hit me like an ocean. She was still there.

But in the distance, I could hear the motor of a car coming closer and to confirm this, Reed bent down and picked up her bag as if ready to leave this place behind. I wasn't sure if I had shouted _No! _aloud, but suddenly Reed turned around with a very shocked look upon her face.

Before I knew it, she was in my arms. I felt like if I could, I would have shouted with joy, but I knew what I needed to do and why I had come running here in the first place.

"I caught you. Thank God." I breathed. I couldn't help but squeeze tighter, making sure that she was really here, and that I was really holding her.

"Josh, I… your test--" How could she think that any of that was important to me? Now that I came to think of it, school was just so trivial compared to how I felt for this girl.

"Who cares? Are you okay? I heard you were leaving and I-- are you okay?" I needed so badly to reassure myself that she was really here so I began to grasp her shoulders, her elbows, her hips. And then my eyes landed on her face.

Her eyes were rimmed with fresh tears. My heart broke into a million pieces, remembering everything that she had gone through just a few days ago. Things that could never be taken back. The heartache from _me_, the betrayal from _them_, and the disappointment from this _school_.

I cupped her cheeks and asked her one more time. "Are you okay?"

She finally looked at me. "I'm fine. I'm totally fine."

I instantly knew that was a lie, because I could just see it in her eyes that she was far from fine. "I've been trying to call you over and over and over, but--"

"My phone was off," she said cutting me off.

"Why?" did she not want to talk to me anymore? Was she avoiding me? Was she planning on leaving without saying goodbye?

"I don't know." was all she said. I just blinked with confusion.

"I just thought if you didn't call then I'd…I'm sorry. It's just been--"

"I know. I'm sorry." I held her tighter never wanting to let go again, but then I let go slightly to look her in the eyes. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

She let out a slow, shaky breath, as if relieved. "Thanks. I can't. Not… yet."

"I'm glad I got here in time." I said. "I had to say goodbye to you."

She took my hand and looked out into the distance. I knew that I was running out of time, so I had to tell her everything before I lost my opportunity.

"Reed, I'm so sorry for what happened at the party. I was still kind of raw, you know? From everything that had happened. But I know I can't tell you what to do… who to hang out with." I held onto her hand tighter, trying to show the sincerity of my words through that one gesture. "I just… didn't want you to leave without telling you that."

Her eyes were still trained on something in the distance behind me, and I felt like I was losing her. I needed some way to hold on, to let her know that I needed her to stay.

"But maybe I can make it all up to you next semester," I said. Then she finally looked at me. Truly looked at me this time. My eyes locked with hers, as I held onto that last string of hope, the hope of being able to help her get through all of this; the hope of showing her how much I really did love her. I waited for her to say something. Anything.

"But Josh…I'm not coming back." Anything but _that_.

It felt like all the blood in my system stopped running and that my heart just leapt right out of my chest. "What?"

And then I heard a car approaching in the distance.

"I can't come back here. I can't. It's all wrong," she started to say. " It's just too much. I can't…I can't…"

I pulled her close to me, desperation seeping into my voice, "Don't say that." I said in her ear. "Do not say that. You don't have to decide anything right now. Go home. Think about it over break. Just don't --"

My grasp was so tight I had no idea how she slipped out of my arms. "I've already made my decision. I'm sorry."

That was it. The last string of hope snapped. I was now swimming in desperation, realizing that I only had one last chance.

"But Reed, I lo--"

"Don't!" She practically shouted. "Just don't."

I just stared. It was like one of those bad dreams where you had no voice, but so badly wanted to say something. But I couldn't. She had made up her mind. She was really leaving…

I didn't even care that her father was just a few feet away from us waiting to take her back to Pennsylvania. Or that I no doubt, failed my history exam. None of it mattered.

"This is goodbye." she said after a long silence.

Then she moved forward and kissed me on the lips with so much passion. I knew I should have probably reacted by then or a least returned the kiss , but I was stuck in this catatonic state that when she pulled away, I didn't even realize that that would probably be our last kiss.

I stood in place, seeing but not really seeing as she walked towards her father who was now looking over to me wondering if he needed to come over and take a swing at me for hurting his daughter. I probably wouldn't have felt it if he did anyways.

Reed got in the car, and before her father started up the engine, she turned her head to sneak a glance at me, but found I was still glued to place.

I hadn't moved one inch, and I wasn't planning on it either. I just couldn't believe, after all that we'd been through…she was really leaving.

She slowly placed her fingertips on the window as if to say goodbye one last time, but that was the last thing I wanted to do now.

As I stood there and watched the car drive away, I couldn't help but wonder why they even bothered calling it a 'goodbye' at all, because when it came down to it, there was really nothing '_good_' about saying goodbye to someone.

Especially someone you'd never see again.

I began to open my mouth to say something, but all that came out was a whispered, " I love you " to no one.

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**eh? it was alright.. i'm not too good with sad. but there it was ! btw tell me how you guys pronounce KIRAN's name, it's random but I wanna know how you guys pronounce it! and also LANGE. :P **

**THNKS for reading ;) tell me what part you want next..**


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